What makes a good conversation?
Toastmaster of the Day, fellow toastmasters, guests & dear children a very good evening to all of you.
Recently, a friend phoned me. He's one of those people who can talk endlessly regardless of the listener’s interest. I've discovered that I can even put the phone down and attend to something in another room while he is talking and he doesn't even notice. After about half an hour of his monologue he actually drew a breath and said, "Are you there? You haven't said anything yet." "No," I said, "I was waiting for a break in the conversation." As he was finally hanging up and said, "I love talking to you. That was a really good conversation!"
A second friend phoned me that night. I was very tired, but I soon forgot my weariness as we animatedly shared our opinions, beliefs and personal experiences. Time flew, and as I went to bed very late that night, I thought "Now, that was a really good conversation!"
Two different opinions on what comprised a good conversation. Since Toastmasters is about communication, it occurred to me that it might be an interesting topic to research for my speech tonight. So I asked some of my friends what they thought made a good conversation.
My friend's reactions to my survey were as interesting and revealing as the results were. Some of them wouldn't stop talking long enough for me to ask them anything. Strangely though, they are the ones who think they are having a good conversation. For some, the subject itself was a conversation stopper. When I asked, "What makes a good conversation?" I was met with a pained silence, or they changed the subject. So I tried asking, "What makes a boring conversation?" One of them immediately told me, "Talking about what makes a good conversation!"
I discussed the topic mostly by phone with about eight of my friends. They had different suggestions, but all agreed on three main points.
Mutual interest. Give and Take Trust
A conversation has to be of interest to all concerned. If someone comes to me and start chatting regarding Information Technology, Accountancy, Cricket etc. then I will listen him attentively because they are my professions & hobbies, on the other hand if someone starts giving me information about the personal life of Hollywood and Bollywood stars then I will definitely show him my yawing mouth so that he can shut his mouth.
Giving and taking can be done both through speaking and listening. Through talking we can entertain, inform, advice, and share personal experiences. By listening attentively we can make the other person feel good about himself. Giving and taking is only possible when there is a mutual interest.
In a conversation, the listener shows his attentiveness by doing hmm, right, ok, correct etc. or through eye contact and facial expressions. On not giving such signals of attentiveness then the sincere talking person will definitely reduce the volume of information and discontinue the conversation.
Trust contributes to more productive, happier workplaces and is created daily through an ongoing dialogue. You must have seen a huge crowd when a politician arrives to address. People trust their leader because they believe that the leader will help them to solve their social problems. The level of trust is so high that while addressing, the audience claps even for his illogical dialogues.
One of my friends said he feels frustrated when people don't keep to the subject. He likes the conversation to flow logically with no side issues. On the other hand, another one said he likes to explore side issues, because they often lead to a more interesting topic. Someone else suggested that a conversation should not be planned. It should begin with something trivial and gradually develop.
I was wondering how to sum this all up when my ten-year-old niece called in. I asked her if she had a good friend that she enjoyed talking to.
"Oh yes," she said. "I tell my friend Naziya everything."
"And who does the most talking?" I asked.
"Both of us," she said. "We're interested in the same things. I've known her for years."
There we have it, mutual interests, a balance of talking & listening and a good relationship.
“A conversation can be made good by including all those features in it which keeps both the parties away from frustration.”
Over to TM of the day
